Love Every Morsel of Your Body

All of you who have children may be able to relate.

This morning while getting dressed for church, one of my sons said " mom do you sometimes wish you were skinny again"? My answer to him was "no" I told him I love my body and myself just the way it is. The stretch marks are battle scars of which I was victorious. This body is mine, I respect it and I love it, which allows other people to respect me and love me as I am. It has seen me through two births, three beautiful kids, a miscarriage, 14 years of marriage, deaths, births and a host of other experiences.

Just a side note: Ladies,  it is so important to love ourselves. How can we expect someone else to love and respect our bodies, ourselves if  we do not? The majority of us need to be in better shape, and that's fine; however we have to learn how to love, respect and cherish this vessel that God provided us. We also have to be mindful of the messages and information that we give to our children.

Although, I have boys I want them to have a good relationship with their body image. I do not ever want my boys to see me apologize for who I am or what I look like. It would be different if I sat on my butt everyday, eating bon bons watching soaps. Don't get me wrong, we should all do our best to be in shape and healthy, but if you don't love yourself big, you won't love yourself small. Love every morsel of your body. 

We See Each Other But We Don't

It's really sad when a black man can walk right pass a black woman and not speak and vice versa. So, today while on my lunch break, I went to a donut shop to play the lottery and then next door to a hamburger place. A brotha walks in the donut shop less than two feet behind me. I turn around to leave, I smile and say excuse me to him only to have no response. I walk next door to the hamburger spot, he walks behind me. I sit down; he sits down a table away.

Are you guys keeping track? Second store, second encounter and no smile, no greeting just eyes. I walk up to the counter talking to the lady cooking my food, only to turn around and see him staring at me. Still no smile, no hello, nothing just eyes. Now not to be conceited, but I had my stuff together. My dress, shoes, purse, hair and make-up were on point. I had a smile on my face from laughing at a comment the lady made, so nothing on me displayed attitude, stuck up or anything negative. Wouldn’t you know as I walked out, I saw his reflection in the window turning around watching me walk out of the door? Obviously, he saw something good enough to do a double take on. Why not just say "hi"?

What happened to common courtesy, what happened to speaking just from one black person to another in passing? The funny thing is that I am so married...happily married, so all he could have done was speak.

We as black men and women should have more respect for each other and all that we have in common. This behavior is a learned behavior and a behavior brought on by unpleasant experiences. So ladies, the next time you are walking pass a brotha, speak to him and keep it moving. One thing we have as woman is the ability to set the tone in just about any situation. So as the leaders, teachers and caretakers we are, let us change this behavior. Generations of scars on both sides can begin to heal starting at "hello".

Pass it On

If you enjoy and support this blog, please pass it on to a young lady. It is our responsibility to hold hands and walk through this journey called life empowering one another.


Thank you for your support

Small Signs of Drama

Maya Angelou, once said “when someone shows you who they are the first time believe them” That is the issue that most of us women have. We meet a man who looks good, has a job and is seeking us; however when he shows us who he is we don’t believe him. We have a real knack for trying to change men to become who we think they should be, or ignoring the traits and characteristics that spell out DANGER! ABUSIVE! DISRESPECTFUL! LAZY! Just to name a few.

I once dated a guy who would say to me “call me when you get home from work” when I called him, he would be like “what’s up”? In a tone as if I was bothering him. In our initial conversation he led me to believe he either wanted to hang out or was just simply interested in my day and wanted to talk to me. By the end of the conversation, I would end up cussing him out and hanging up on him. In less than twenty minutes he was at my door with a stupid smile saying “what’s up”. He thought this was funny, I didn’t. He did its three times total before I issued him his walking papers. The moral of this story is that this person would take control of my emotions and abuse them. One moment I am having a nice day and the next I am cussing him out, followed by him at my door like there was a joke we were both in on.

He showed me what our relationship would be up and down, back and forth. I didn’t want a relationship where I had to say F*** you, every day and twice on Sunday. I knew what I wanted and what I did not want, and that was a jacked up relationship.

 Ladies, know what it is that you want and don’t take anything less than within reason. Listen, acknowledge and believe all of the signs a man gives you. Cut it off early before you get to deep in. Make sure that the person you are with warrants your time, love and energy. “When someone shows you who they are the first time believe them”…..Maya Angelou

You are Beauty

I started this blog in hopes to better equip men and women in there future and current relationships. I want other women to feel love like I do. I want other women to know real trust, security, friendship, passion, dedication, warmth and kindness from their mate like I know. Of course, learning how to communicate with each other, respect each other and compromise willingly in a relationship are all very important components to a healthy, happy and loving relationship; however that's part of act II.

What is act I? Act I is you. The individual person that desires a mate of substance. It is so important for us to be whole prior to entering into any relationship. How many woman look into the mirror everyday and think kind thoughts about themselves? The majority of women wake up, get dressed look into the mirror and think about all of the things they want to change about themselves, how a piece of clothing does not fit their body right, a bump on their face etc. When you do that you are single handedly tearing yourself to shreds. How can you expect to walk out of the door as your best self and perform as such after you just beat yourself down. How does that happen? When you have been in a fight, are you able to be your best self and put on that sun shiny disposition right after the fight? My guess is no.

So for those who look in the mirror each day with unkind thoughts and judgments of themselves, know that you are fighting yourself and you are losing the fight. I encourage you to look into yourself and find the beauty that only God created in you. Others love you the way you love yourself........You are Beauty

Allowing the Connection

Tonight I had the pleasure of watching my son play soccer.  It was so nice to see all of the men standing on the side line cheering on their small ones. I noticed that every time a father yelled go!!!! followed by his child's name the child would glance over to the side with a smile in his or her eyes. Right in that moment you could tell that the child wanted to do more to evoke that type of response.

Ladies, just a quick word, no matter how little you may think of your child's father, never keep them apart. If you have a man that wants to be involved and is a decent person, let them have a relationship. The best thing you can ever do for your child is to allow a relationship with their father. Make sure that at all costs you do not speak ill of the father and you only promote their relationship. He may be a salty dog to you, but to your child that is daddy and everyone deserves one.

Just Relax

So I am at the park today with my four guys, the youngest playing his sport. My twins and I cheering while my hubby coaches the game. Just before the game gets started two women approach my hubby. I was sitting off to the side talking with friends when I noticed the body language of the women. Ladies we know when someone is on the prowl around our men. We were guest at a different park, so in all fairness they saw my baby and thought what I think every time I look at him (damn)! Being the gentleman that he is, he answered their questions, pointed towards me and sent them on their way. At the end of the game, I brought it up in a joking manner, we laughed and went on about our day.

Ladies, I did four lasting important things in the way that I handled the situation. First, I did not overact and/or make him be on the defensive, I did not cause a scene when it happened embarrassing us both and third I allowed him to be his self and not feel the need to hide any part of his life with me. I have always felt that if I have an attitude or overact to someone flirting with him, he will begin to hide it from me when it does happen. Once a man has to hide one thing from his woman, it makes it so much easier to hide any and everything else. Don't get me wrong, the situation must stay respectful and that's when the trust you have in him kicks in. Overall, he knows that he can come home to not only his mate, but his friend.
So ladies, when your man respectfully notices a pretty woman or a woman notices him (outside of your presence) don't jump all over him, just keep it cool and move on. Remember woman and men communicate completely different and most of the time, the way that we communicate only helps our men shut down and stop talking.

Stay in Character

Never allow anyone to take you out of your character.

We teach people how to treat us. If you allow a man to call you late at night as an after thought, or call you out of your name because he is frustrated, not to open your door and allow you in first, or to even reference you as "man"; you are teaching him that it is ok to have little to no respect for you. You are a woman, one of God's greatest creations. He has trusted us to bring life into this world. To allow a man to treat you less than the way your father in heaven would treat you is unacceptable.
Ladies be firm in who you are. Lessons are best learned in actions not words. If you are approached with "hey", a horn or anything less then a proper greeting keep it pushing. The first impression, encounter and your reaction sets the tone. Make a man stand at attention when dealing with you, anything less is not for you.