Believe Him

So, I am watching Couples Therapy (don't ask me why) and DMX and his wife who is seperated six years from is on the show. They are on the show because his wife wants to try and save their relationship before it is too late, mind you this is six years into seperation. I was irritated, frustrated and then sad for her because she sadly thinks very little of herself and the love and relationship she deserves. Naturally being upset at DMX and shaking your head at him seems to be the most natural sensible thing to do, but there is one huge problem. He told her that she knew he was a player and loved various women (nicely put) when they met, he has never changed and never professed to be anyone else. She then agreed that she thought that ring on her finger would have made him change.

Now the blame is shifted from him to her, because he told her who he was twenty years ago, displayed behavior to confirm who he was throughout their relationship and she still stayed, married him and had four children by him. What in the world is the problem? It's like she went down to the big white building, waited in line through the cold, rain and snow and ordered twenty plus years of pain, heartache, feelings of loneliness, disrespect and neglect just to name a few. This person she married (can't call him a man) had six kids by various other women throughout their relationship, served unnecessary jail time and God knows what else and guess what? She is sitting on a national television show viewed by millions of young people, including her children I am sure trying to piece together a dysfunctional, destructive relationship.

Please know, I believe that people can change, I know that we are not perfect beings, and I know that ultimately there is a reason she feels so little of herself to allow, and be apart of such a mess of a relationship; however, it really is sad to see and know that she is not the only woman ignoring all of the flashing red lights.

Again, from the great Maya Angelou " When someone shows you who they are the first time believe them"

“Man I am Not” Address me accordingly

How many times have you been addressed as “Man” or “Eh” by someone you are dating or in a relationship with? How many times have you answered to it? Remember that you teach people how to treat and respect you. As a woman, you should not be addressed as “Man” or “Eh”, you may think this is small; but it is the small things that pile up and equate to big problems within a relationship. Being addressed as “Man” or “Eh” allows him to be a little looser with his conversation and tone with you. Men take care of those who they feel are precious, delicate and held in a high regard. If you are addressed as “Man” or “Eh” what makes you different from anyone else he may address on the street. Your man or potential man should have to always think before he just says anything to you. They should be mindful of the tone and words in which they speak to you. Don’t get me wrong, we don’t want men to walk on egg shells around us, and feel as though they can’t play or say anything to us; however they must stay respectful at all times, it’s called boundaries. Unfortunately, this process can be just like child rearing. The nature of a child is to explore and to see how far they can go before receiving consequences. The consequence is what is used to measure exactly how far they can go and in that distance what they can get away with. The same ideology goes for the man and the relationship. If he knows that you will not take anything less than respect and a level of treatment and conduct from him, he will comply. Let’s not forget ladies, there is a piece to this puzzle that sets the tone, and that is you and the respectful conduct in which you must maintain. There is power in patience, time and sometimes a closed mouth. Make sure you are respectful in your tone and mindful of the words you speak to him. Make sure you are his biggest cheerleader and not his biggest critic.

Whose Bags are You Carrying

As women we must accept who it is we see in the mirror and find ways to like and love that person staring back at us. Unfortunately most women have been given someone else’s baggage to harness on their back and carry it into their own life. When you are carrying someone else’s baggage you begin to travel the same road and experience the same hurt and pain. How can one have good judgment in dating when they are fishing in dirty water? How can one know the real love of a man when you have heard “all men are dogs” all your life? How can one respect and love the essence of a man when they have watched their father cheat and/or their mother chase after a cheating man? How can a woman find a good man when they can’t find their father? Check your closet and see whose bags have been left with you. Acknowledge the bags are heavy, unwanted and not yours. There is a process to claiming what belongs to you and only you. You are a woman, God’s greatest creation. Stand up and take your place.