One of the biggest most important laws to live by when in a relationship is to keep people out of your relationship. My husband and I learned very early, that the people who love you the most are capable of doing the most damage, in the name of protecting or looking out for you. Most of the time people are projecting their own fears and/or experiences onto you and your relationship. Remember, other people don't forget and they hold grudges in the name of loyalty to you. Don't bad mouth your mate to another, don't vent to too many people. When you forgive and give another chance, that same person or people that you vented to or talked badly about your mate are still upset. Bad mouthing your mate in bad times and showcasing them in good times is like serving your favorite meal on a trash can lid. The food may be good, but the presentation and the delivery are dirty and smelly.
Some people have journals to vent in; some people need to speak to a person. Whatever you may need to help support, comfort and/or vent to just be selective and even then some things need not be said or shared.
Keep writing Tosh I love your blogs I was sharing with my mom. Much love Teri
ReplyDeleteI had to learn this the hard way. Now I am in a relationship with someone I bad mouthed to my friends and fam. He hurt me in the past, but I feel he's changed and for the 1st time in a while I am totally happy with him. The only problem is, I have been keeping him a secret for fear of what my loved ones will say. Eventually I will tell them we are dating again, but I so fear the negative attitudes they will have about it. It's a tough predicament.
ReplyDeleteYou cannot continue to hide this man. If you plan to be with this man you have to respect him and the relationship enough to not hide it. I do think when you decide to let it be known you should apologize to your family and friends for putting them in a posititon where they feel they needed to be protective over you. Let them know that you will not make that mistake again because it has been unfair to them, the man involved; as well as yourself. Let them know you have chosen to be with this person and opinions are not welcome. Be prepared for an upset and be ok with it. For your personal notes, there are always going to be ups and downs in a relationship and you are not a robot which means you will need to vent. It's ok to vent, but be mindful of the words that come out of your mouth and never belittle or call your mate names to anyone; as this gives them the permission to be disrespectful to him at their will.
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