That's My Sister

So I am at work today and standing in line is a middle age woman staring at me without a smile in site. My first impression was not very positive given her body language and facial expression.  I call on her to assist her and as she approached me I spoke and immediately complimented her on her hair.

She responded with a smile and began to just poor out her personal obstacles in life. She was in the process of a horrible divorce, she was now a single mother who hadn't worked in over 9 months, her confidence was at an all-time low and this was her first day of work. I worked as slow as I possibly could and we talked for about ten minutes. When it was time for her to leave, she told me God must have sent me to her because she felt so down and a little scary about what was to come. She \pulled herself together to make this job thing happen, bur inside she felt broken. I told her God has a purpose and a plan for her life because she is still standing.

When she left, I thought to myself, that’s My Sister. So many times we read people or attempt to read people because of a facial expression or an outer impression. Everyone has a story and you never know when stepping out of your box will be the encouragement, or life line a person may need to get through that day. That lady today just needed an ear and some encouragement from someone who looked like her.

Make a point to speak to your sisters whether or not they appear to be approachable or not.

Walk Away

I just watched a show about verbal and physically abusive relationships. Domestic Violence is still one of the most kept secret in relationships. Most of the time people do not have a clear definition or understanding of what abuse is. There is never an excuse or justification for abuse from anyone at any time. Ladies, if you are being called out of your name (bitch, whore, stupid), just to name a few, it is not ok and it is definitely not healthy. Ladies you must understand that just as there are various boundaries and regulations that we must follow in society, they too exist in our personal relationships. Without boundaries and regulations in conduct one may become out of line.

Please be clear for those who brag about landing a couple of blows in return, it is not ok and it is not healthy and normal. Ladies we are special in our own right. Women do wonderful things and I promise for all of those who think there is no better mate out there for you, there is. There is someone who will hold you firm, yet soft. He will say the best things to you just to hear your laughter, he will protect you when needed, he will wipe your tears not create them. There is someone awaiting your love, dedication, loyalty and friendship. I can tell you from experience, it is nothing like being loved properly, it is everything that God has planned for you.
God has promised to lead you if you just listen to him. Stop derailing his plan just because you are impatient or scared to be alone.

God created us to accomplish and experience great things, not of which included the breakdown and destruction of his children. You should never be treated less than the way your father in heaven would treat you.

If you are in an abusive relationship, please get out and stay out. If you know someone who is in one, pass this on to them with a prayer.

Single Mothers

I am a product of a single parent. My mother was my everything, my guider, my protector, my act right, my biggest cheerleader, my confident, my hero. The older I get and the more life I experience, the more I realize the sacrifices that were made for me to stand as I do today.

My mother is the reason I have a wonderful husband, children and overall good life. My mother didn't bash my father or any other men, she didn't blame me for the toll life may have brought on, and she didn't surround me with the wrong people and influences and was very careful in the words she spoke to me, even in discipline. I was never called stupid or told to shut up (does the quiet game count)?  We were family with or without my dad in the home. I ate full course meals at 6pm nightly and had conversations of all the great things the future held for me.

I said all of this to say to all of the single mothers, to keep your head up and although; it can be a thankless job, what you do and say matters and counts for generations to come. Your presence is necessary, lifesaving and the most important. Take the time to talk to your children, tell them all of the good things you were told and even the things you wish you were told. Teach them that they matter and they can do any and everything with your support, love and their determination. I know it gets hard and lonely at times, I know wearing multiple hats can get heavy on the head, but know that one day all of what you do today will appear in your children and grandchildren.

God Bless You All

Keep some things to yourself

So I am having a conversation with a friend, and she is talking about having her husband help her take her weave out. OMG!! I thought she had lost her mind. This was not the first time I'd heard this but still surprising.

Men do not need to know how we connect the dots. Sure, you have some men who were raised by single mothers, or are professionally informed of our beauty secrets, but other than that, NO DEAL!

Think about it, when men fantasize are they fantasizing about head rags, pajamas, crust in the eyes, wig heads on the dresser for the ambiance? No, men want to be enticed. What man sees a woman get out of the car in pajama bottoms, her wrap on her head and says "damn I want to get with her"? None

Men should not be helping us take our weaves out; we should be hygienically clean on a regular basis. I know someone who would smell under her arms in front of her husband and say "damn I'm musty" when I saw that, I thought to myself. wow!! Not only does he not want to know that, I can bet he does not want to smell it either.

Don't ever get so comfortable around anyone that you allow them to see you rub your booty on the curb, that is exactly what that is, rubbing your booty on the curb.

To all that are single, remember you get what you give. If you catch someone while in your pajamas and head rags nine times out of ten, his expectations are not very high for himself in his own life; therefore he is fine with the way you present yourself.

Law to Live By

One of the biggest most important laws to live by when in a relationship is to keep people out of your relationship. My husband and I learned very early, that the people who love you the most are capable of doing the most damage, in the name of protecting or looking out for you. Most of the time people are projecting their own fears and/or experiences onto you and your relationship. Remember, other people don't forget and they hold grudges in the name of loyalty to you. Don't bad mouth your mate to another, don't vent to too many people. When you forgive and give another chance, that same person or people that you vented to or talked badly about your mate are still upset. Bad mouthing your mate in bad times and showcasing them in good times is like serving your favorite meal on a trash can lid. The food may be good, but the presentation and the delivery are dirty and smelly.

Some people have journals to vent in; some people need to speak to a person. Whatever you may need to help support, comfort and/or vent to just be selective and even then some things need not be said or shared.